we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
