I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
