Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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