if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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