He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
