Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
