As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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