Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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