I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize