We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
