i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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