So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
