dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
