i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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