I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
