Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Pappa wants mamma naked
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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