So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
