If that was your dad, he is hot
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
