No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
