the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
