got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
