Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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