Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
