you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
