Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please don't give away my fajitas
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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