your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
