my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
