so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
