o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My life is pants optional.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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