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I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Randomize
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