the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that