My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.