whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
