I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.