GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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