This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
