My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
