I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
