If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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