maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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