I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
