So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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