so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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