Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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