people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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