So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
