I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
