Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
