There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
