im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
