i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
