Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
