so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
