Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
