Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
