oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think my fart just growled at me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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