So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
