Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
