No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
