So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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