dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
