I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
