yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
