OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
