woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I want is dick and wine.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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