just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
