tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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