Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.