In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises