Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
