dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..