Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
