Texts From Last Night

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.

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  (763): i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells. http://tfl.nu/8di1
  Replies (83) Good night (1257) Bad night (17438)
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  (315): View more from New York

  That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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  (315): That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge. http://tfl.nu/kztm
  Replies (35) Good night (990) Bad night (4491)
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  (209): View more from California

  just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?

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  (209): just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto? http://tfl.nu/nvmp
  Replies (22) Good night (1749) Bad night (4870)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...

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  (540): I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant... http://tfl.nu/4jrj
  Replies (17) Good night (4117) Bad night (792)
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  (310): View more from California

  my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

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  (310): my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings. http://tfl.nu/sarg
  Replies (28) Good night (1372) Bad night (7139)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.

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  (504): Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated. http://tfl.nu/1xhy
  Replies (7) Good night (1092) Bad night (2064)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.

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  (912): Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio. http://tfl.nu/wkrp
  Replies (5) Good night (1747) Bad night (757)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.

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  (516): Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase. http://tfl.nu/afiw
  Replies (9) Good night (1692) Bad night (623)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things

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  (319): Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things http://tfl.nu/stlu
  Replies (5) Good night (1296) Bad night (638)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.

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  (712): Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled. http://tfl.nu/c6e6
  Replies (5) Good night (1657) Bad night (630)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.

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  (210): Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience. http://tfl.nu/wox2
  Replies (16) Good night (1382) Bad night (819)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.

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  (740): Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to. http://tfl.nu/nnoc
  Replies (20) Good night (3789) Bad night (763)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on

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  (503): I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on http://tfl.nu/i6tt
  Replies (4) Good night (525) Bad night (375)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.

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  (914): Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants. http://tfl.nu/muni
  Replies (0) Good night (520) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.

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  (229): I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals. http://tfl.nu/jhab
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (464)

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