I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We left the knife in your bed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day