Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.

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  (214): Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again. http://tfl.nu/sc3c
  Replies (5) Good night (1460) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to

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  (612): I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to http://tfl.nu/s30p
  Replies (154) Good night (3964) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.

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  (601): I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water. http://tfl.nu/8w2r
  Replies (42) Good night (4918) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (10467) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.

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  (715): My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it. http://tfl.nu/q7ku
  Replies (3) Good night (3192) Bad night (954)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had

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  (717): They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had http://tfl.nu/qmkc
  Replies (46) Good night (4792) Bad night (1654)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.

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  (612): Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us. http://tfl.nu/wdqz
  Replies (5) Good night (4335) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.

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  (203): Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again. http://tfl.nu/p8rx
  Replies (11) Good night (1169) Bad night (2546)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother

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  (240): It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother http://tfl.nu/obkn
  Replies (5) Good night (740) Bad night (2881)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.

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  (330): All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold. http://tfl.nu/zmz2
  Replies (16) Good night (3544) Bad night (1241)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.

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  (714): She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse. http://tfl.nu/v3q7
  Replies (8) Good night (949) Bad night (2063)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?

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  (615): Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night? http://tfl.nu/hddi
  Replies (11) Good night (1912) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?

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  (410): Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night? http://tfl.nu/3u7z
  Replies (3) Good night (1412) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.

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  (516): You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off. http://tfl.nu/6qfp
  Replies (7) Good night (1598) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.

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  (318): Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows. http://tfl.nu/7891
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (219)

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