we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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