i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?