You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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