he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
