Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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