I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
